


Berena - Hold On

by RedgravesTardis



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-08-23 08:17:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16615295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedgravesTardis/pseuds/RedgravesTardis
Summary: Bernie and Serena's  Marriage have hit the rocks as Bernie Bernie had been hiding her depression from Serena cause Bernie to cheat behind Serena's back with Abigail (Sorry i had to), They spend the night fighting about it until Bernie walks away from her and locks herself in the bathroom , Serena gives Bernie time to calm down so they could talk again but soon realizes that Bernie had done something stupid when she doesn’t open up the bathroom door, Can Bernie survive the consequences of her actions?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally going to be a One-Shor but due to demand people wanting more I have decided to make it into a multi chapter story, its sorta based on the song "Hold on" by Chord Overstreet (if you have heard it before you'll hopefully recognize some of the lyrics in this)
> 
> PLEASE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don’t read if it triggers anyone. As Bernie overdose and self harm (I’m really sorry).

Bernie had returned home around about 2am the following morning , she had told Serena that she was going to be working through the night again, as a couple of months ago she had started to avoid her wife as she was spending more time with the new CEO Abigail Tate, who was the best friend of Serena.

With Bernie stumbling into the house and dumped her keys down on the table nearest the front door,  she didn’t know that Serena was still awake and sat at the kitchen table waiting to talk to her as she finally discovered the truth of Bernie’s whereabouts. The blonde took her phone out of her pocket writing a text “Home safe, miss you already baby x you can’t tell Serena about what I’ve told you” and sent it to Abs before sighing to herself seeing what the time was. She gently placed her phone down on the table next to the keys and headed into the kitchen where she turned the light on not noticing her wife who was sat at the table.

She headed to the sink and lifted a glass and filled it up halfway with tap water , slowly sipping it while staring into the sink, she knew she had to tell Serena the truth but hoped it wouldn’t be tonight.

“What time do you call this? And where have you been?” The brunette spoke making the blonde jump a little so that the blonde looked around seeing her wife

“How long have you been waiting there?”

“Few hours now.. since that text you sent me saying you’ll be late home… you still haven’t answered my question”

“Does it matter I need to go to bed” she quickly replied and placed the glass in the sink

Serena sighed “of course it matters… I want the truth to where you went”

“And I’ve already told you… I was at work down in theatre helping Abigail with an operation that took all night…” she quickly lied as she wasn’t down in theatre.

“How come I don’t believe you?”

“I don’t know but can we talk about this tomorrow as I really need to go bed..” the blonde snapped trying not to let the guilt show.

“No we can’t talk about it tomorrow as you’ll do the same thing like you did tonight, it’s like you don’t wanna be seen with me anymore, it was your idea to rush and get married”

The blonde shook her head “marrying you isn’t a mistake okay”

“It certainly feels like it”

“Well it’s not now if you’ll excuse me”

“Your hiding something.. and I’m gonna find out what it is”

The blonde sighed and rolled her eyes “good luck with that”  the brunette raised an eyebrow before watching her leave and gave out another small sigh

The blonde left the room and headed upstairs to the bedroom forgetting that she had placed her phone down on the table next to the front door which gave Serena an opportunity to go on it and look for the answers that she wanted.

The blonde had gone for a quick shower when her phone went off, Serena went to the table and picked it up and sat on the stairs where she then read Abigail's reply “I know babe I miss you to, but I’ll see you tomorrow, I love you , hey you know I won’t tell her xx”

The brunette felt her heart break while reading the previous messages, she had found the answers that she had being looking for, she also looked through her emails and pictures before going to confront her wife about it. The brunette stormed up the stairs also storming into the bedroom the blonde turned and looked at her while drying her hair with the towel

“We need to talk” the brunette spat holding Bernie’s phone in her hand

“And I told you it can wait”

“And I said now Bernie” the brunette spat raising her voice”

“Alright fine, what did you want to talk about?”

“You know exactly what…”

“No I don’t or I wouldn’t be asking”

“You lied to me! You wasn’t down in theatre was you?”

“I haven’t lied, of course I was down in theatre what makes you think that I wasn’t?”

“The messages from Abs?”

The blonde eyes lit up and felt her heartbeat more faster “what messages from abs?” She replied trying to act like she didn’t know what she was talking about.  
“Don’t give me that! You know full well what messages I’m talking about” the brunette raised her voice again and took a small pause “Are you cheating on me with her”

The blonde looked at her wife, giving her a small nod “Yeah..” before she looked down at her hands

“How long?”

“I don’t know”

“Let me ask you that again, How long have you been seeing her?” Shouted the brunette

“Since you went on annual leave..” the blonde spoke quietly

“Pardon ?”

“when you went on annual leave.. when you went away with Jason to France... I needed someone to talk to...”

So you decided not to call me to talk and talk to someone who doesn’t even know you?!”

“I’m sorry,At least you have family, where as I’ve got no-one…”

“That’s not true!”

“Yes it is true! You have family that I’m not a part of, like you said…” 

The brunette sighed and watched her wife's move moments , The blonde sighed “you left, I had no-one i didn’t even want you to go but you went anyway! You didn't even know that I’m depressed if you don’t wanna love me anymore it’s fine!” The blonde snapped before leaving the room going into the bathroom before slamming it which made Serena think that he had left the house.

The blonde locked herself in the bathroom and stared into the mirror of the medical cabinet before punching the mirror and watched it shattered into a million pieces with some getting caught in her hand. The blonde opened the cabinet and took out a cloth and some pills ,  she sat on the floor and unveiled the cloth revealing a knife that she had been hiding from her wife

The blonde held the knife in her hand and had the tub of pills on the floor next to her thinking if she was about to through with what she was about to to do, with a little hesitation she started to take the pills knowing it was over for her.

After Serena giving Bernie time to calm down before she came knocking on the door “Bernie?”

The blonde didn’t answer as she had swallowed all the pills that was in the tub and her right wrist was lying in a puddle of blood, The brunette knocked again in-case she was on the toilet , she waited another five minutes before deciding to break the bathroom door down , when she saw the blonde lying lifeless in the middle of the room, The brunette ran over to her and held her close to he so that she could hear the blondes heart beat 

Serena started to panic when she couldn't hear the blonde's heartbeat she started to rock her gently while fighting back the tears before letting them go and screamed  
“Come on Bernie, Ple...Please don't leave me” before crying into the blonde for a few moment before getting her phone out and called for an ambulance. 

Once the ambulance arrived Serena had a bagged packed of some of Bernie's things . The paramedics lifted the blonde onto a stretcher and carried her down to the ambulance and strapped her in, Serena followed them out the house and quickly locked the front door before climbing into the back of the ambulance and sat next to her wife taking her hand while the paramedic was trying to get Bernie's heart to beat again.  
It took the ambulance about five minutes to get to Holby . Abigail was on the shift when she answered Serena's call and got everyone ready for when Bernie got rushed through the doors . The ambulance pulled up and got the blonde out the back of the ambulance and rushed her though the double doors.

“Berenice Wolfe, 53 years old, Overdosed and it looks like she tried to self-harm...” the male paramedic called out as Abigail looked over at Serena seeing how scared she was and knew that she had found out about the affair before looking back at the male paramedic “Ill take her, Bed number 3” the male nodded and pushed the stretcher over to bed number 3 and helped lifted the blonde onto the bed.

Abigail came over and looked at the blonde and gently looked at her wrist and sighed before softly stroking the blondes forehead “its gonna be okay” She whispered to the blonde before taking the gloves off and walked over to see when the theatre was free which was going to be free in about two minutes , Serena was sat in the office holding Bernie's jumper close to her and looked up at Abigail who had just walked in “This Is all you fault!” she shouted at the long haired blonde knowing that it was her own fault, she was just hurt and angry

“I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt anyone she - “ the blonde spoke before Serena cut her off “Don't you fucking dare tell me that your sorry – she's my wife and I find out that shes being seeing my best friend behind my back...”

the blonde didn't say anything for a few moments “i'm about to take her down to theatre if you wanted to watch...”

“shes gone isn't she? She isn't gonna come back?”

“I don't think she is, I think we can still save her...”

Serena didn't look at her and looked at the photo of her and Serena celebrating their 6 month anniversary “she never spoke about it... the depression, she always looked so happy” she said with a shaky voice before breaking down again, this time she broke down in abs arms. 

“hey , she's gonna make it I swear” the blonde spoke softly to comfort her as Ric and Fletch took Bernie down to the theatre and started to operate on her, Bernie's was bleeding out interally due to all the pills she had taken, Ric opened her up seeing that it was her stomach and started trying to stop the bleed which was going to take a while as the tablets had cut deeply into her stomach.

Serena was now in the family concil room waiting on news of the operation, she was sat on the sofa still holding Bernie's jumper close to her and used it as a pillow, a few moments later she fell asleep cuddling into the jumper, about 3 hours later Abigail came into the room with two coffees after sorting out a patient , but when she saw the brunette asleep she put the coffee down on the table and sat by her before gently placing her head onto her lap letting Serena sleep on her for however long she wanted, as Serena was asleep she felt someone move her and woke seeing that she was asleep on someones lap she instantly thought it was Bernie. “Bernie?” 

the blonde looked down at her “no, its abs , Bernie's still in theatre” 

the brunette gave a little nod “How long have she been down there now?”

“I would say a good 2 hours... I can found out what's going on if you like?”

“Could you?”

“Course I can” replied Abs and slowly got up from the sofa and went down to the theatre to see what was going on, she held down the microphone buzzer and started to talk to Ric

“Any news on Bern?”

“well... we had trouble with getting her stomach to stop bleeding but it finally stopped and were just about to be finished repairing the vain in her wrist but its gonna scar... both of it, we're just about come out with her now”

Abs nodded listening “Thank you , i'll see you back on the ward”

Ric finished off repairing the vain and stitched her wrist off while Fletch was stitching up her stomach area, they successfully finished the operation and got out of their scrubs and wheeled Bernie back up to the AAU , Abs was back on AAU when she saw Bernie back in the bed area ,she smiled to herself and went to let Serena know, Abs reached the family council room and knocked on the door softly “they just brought her back up , you can go see her if you like”

The blonde had regained her heartbeat but it wasn't enough to let her breath on her own , Fletch had wired her up to the life support machine, when the brunette heard that her wife was back on the ward she shot up and rushed to the AAU and went back to the bed 3 area , she sat down taking her wife's hand again “i'm really sorry, just Hold on as I still want you” she paused while stroking her wife's hand as the tears started to stream down her face again and looked at fletch “is she going to be okay?”

Fletch gave a soft smile “well at the moment she's in a coma but i'm sure it wont be long before she's back with us, you know how strong she is..”

the brunette nodded and stroked the blondes hair softly before kissing her head “Come back, I still need you baby”


	2. Chapter 2

It was about five months had gone by and Bernie was still lying there in the hospital bed, she looked peaceful but had loads of wires connected to her , to keep her alive while she in the coma. There was only a few people who wasn’t going to give up on Bernie , these people was Abigail, Fletch, Donna, Dom , Jason and Serena while the rest of the Doctor and nurses was giving up on her, they wanted to switch her machine off but Serena wasn't going to let them.She wasn't prepared to lose her best friend,her wife the woman that she loved, how could She live without her after Bernie had showed her what it was like to be loved.

Serena rarely went home in case Bernie would come round without her, She was always at her side even if she did an 72 hour shift you could guarantee that Serena would be right besides Bernie's bedside holding her hand or even asleep next to her. Serena hadn’t been eating properly not since the day she had rushed Bernie in, she just wanted Bernie to be okay again.

Abigail would also sit with Bernie when Serena was busy on her shift, her and Serena rarely saw eye to eye since Serena found out about the affair but both agreed to be there for Bernie, As that was what Bernie would want. 

As another month went by Berena laid still in the hospital bed, her life support machine had started to beep, both Abigail and Serena jumped to there feet and started to exam her to find the problem, it was her stomach, well the tore that she was originally rushed for had bursted causing it to be bleed again. Abbie looked over at Serena 

“I think I found the problem…” 

Serena looked at her “where is it then?” She replied a little cocky, she was dead tired and didn’t mean to snap

“It’s the tear in the stomach and it's her wrist… I think all of the stitches has burst”

Serena rolled her eyes a little “well you better fix it again”

Abigail sighed and went to see if the theatre was free for her to operate on Bernie again. Once she found out that it was free she took Bernie down and scrubbed in with Fletch and then began to work on the bleed again, this time Serena watched from the theatre window as she wanted to make sure that Abigail was doing her job properly.

Abs started to stitch up Bernie's wrist which took about half an hour to an hour to get the bleed back on control once it had stopped bleeding Abigail was able to restitch and was finally able to move on to the bleed on her stomach It took Abigail and Fletch about 3 hours to get the bleeding under control before they could finally stitch it back up and hoped this time that it wouldn’t burst. Abigail stitched Bernie’s stomach back up before sending her back up to the AAU where again Serena and Abigail and Fletch would be monitoring her progress.

Now that it was about 1 day before Christmas which made it to be Christmas Eve, Bernie still hadn’t come out the coma which now maybe Serena have a few doubts- maybe it was time to turn the machine off but she had a little hope that she would wake on Christmas Day if Bernie wanted to come round.

The AAU was decorated in festive deviations, they had a tree up just by the reception , just opposite of Bernie’s bed, Serena knew that Bernie didn’t really like Christmas- She didn’t like the fuss of everything so she also had a feeling that Bernie wouldn’t wake on Christmas.

Serena was on shift so she couldn’t be at Bernie’s side, Abigail was also on her shift but she would make time to pop down from Keller to see her, as Abigail was sat next to Bernie holding her hand and gently stroked it she began to talk to the blonde.

“Hey Bern, it’s me Abs… I don’t know what I’m meant to say But Serena wants you to wake soon.. we all do… we all miss you… ” she paused a looked down at her hand before speaking again 

“Please come back life isn’t the same without you.. your laugh… the way you can quickly diagnose a patient… please come round for me or for Serena?” She said softly and kissed her head before heading up back to the office.

Throughout the day Fletch would monitor her health and make little notes in her folder, now that Serena’s shift wasn’t so hectic she was able to spend a little time with Bernie. The brunette sat next to the blonde gently stroking her hair she didn’t know what to say so she sat there in silence while a few tears rolled down the brunettes cheek.

“I miss you babe so much” she spoke stroking her forehead more gently after wiping away her own tears “please a few of the doctors have given me a choice I don’t know what to do… they want me to turn your life support off but if I do I know how I would live without you…please babe wake up” the brunette spoke again after kissing the blondes head again “I've gotta get back now but I'll be back late babe”she spoke more softer after kissing the blondes lips 

The brunette left the blondes side and went down to theatre to continue with her shif, well Bernie's shift as she had been cover for her as it gave her more chance to be at Bernie’s bedside.

Serena spent the rest of her shift down in theatre as it took her mind Off thinking about her wife's condition, and also to think about if she wanted to turn the life support off but she wasn't going to as she she knew that Bernie would wake up one day. The brunette was working on a patient that had similar injuries to Bernie's which made her think about her again and how she missed her telling her what to work on first without the risk of causing more of an injury, when the brunette was half way through she got Fletch and Leah to cover for her as she walked out and got unscrubbed as everything started get to her again. Serena ran back up to the AAU and ran over to Bernies bedside, she didn't care that she was on her shift or not but she had made up her mind that she was going to stay by Bernie’s side even if that meant every minute of the day until she woke.

It as now one minute to midnight which meant it would be Christmas Day Serena had fallen asleep holding the blondes hand, her head was resting on the blondes leg. The blonde slowly started to come round, she was able to squeeze the brunette’s hand making the brunette wake up quickly to the feeling of her hand being squeezed once she realised what was going on she called for Abigail who was still on shift to help her disconnect Bernie from the life support.

Abigail quickly came down to the AAU and rushed to Bernie's bedside and looked at Serena “what is it? What's happening?”

Serena didn't take her eyes off her wife's hand that was squeezing the brunettes hand “she's waking up! She's coming around!! We need to take her off the life support right now!” The brunette spoke getting excited as her wife had decided to come out of the coma on Christmas Morning.

The young blonde listened to Serena and nodded softly taking in what the brunette was saying.  
“Are you sure she’s coming…” the young blonde spoke before pausing as she saw the older blonde squeeze the brunettes hand again “okay , let’s do it” she said realising that Serena wasn’t making it up about Bernie waking from the coma.

Abigail started to take Bernie off the life support when she took away the oxygen tube Bernie’s eyes started to flicker a little and soon she was able to gasp for air which was a good sign. 

“Hey I’m here honey… I’m here take your time” The brunette spoke softly keeping a hold of one hand and stroked her forehead with her free hand, the older blondes eyes flickered for a little while before she was able to open them , Bernie looked around before looking down at her hand and quickly pulled her hand away from her wife’s as she thought that she hated her , Serena watched and sorta expected Bernie to pull her hand away

“Hey stranger” the brunette spoke softly while abs was taking out the final few tubes before leaving the pair to be on their own to talk about things 

“Hey” the blonde replied with a whisper while looking around the ward “what day is it?” She asked with another whisper

“It’s Just Christmas Day, you’ve been gone for half the year, you gave us a fright”

Bernie looked at her a little “why didn’t you leave me there in the bathroom? After what I did to you?”

“Because I know you didn’t mean it, I saved you because I love you”

The blonde nodded and looked away “I thought you and abs would be better off without me so I tried it… and it didn’t work… you’ll be much happier without a fuck up like me”

Serena went to hold her hand again and this time the blonde let her “don’t say that… you know we both need you… the hospital needs you”

“Can we stop talking about it please?” She said looking down at her stomach seeing a fresh scar and sighed 

“We’re gonna have to talk about it properly soon or later….”

“Yeah But not right now”

The brunette nodded “did you want me to stay or go?”

“I want you to go…”

The brunette nodded and got up letting go of the blondes hand and left her side , she soon walked into to the office and sat on her side of the desk and put the photo of their wedding day face down onto the desk after looking at it for a few minutes while tears ran down the brunette’s face.

The blonde got herself comfortable the best she could before looking over at the office window Seeing that she had upset Serenas and also started to think about the night of the fight, she looked around as the tears also started to stream down the blondes face as all she could think about was how she had hurt her. The blonde silently cried herself to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

The brunette spent the last hour or two in the office working on some paperwork work while she kept looking over at her wife’s hospital bed she sighed before putting her pen down and stood up, she couldn’t be away from her partner any longer.

The blonde was sound asleep when she felt someone take her hand so she woke up a little , seeing it was serena she let go “I thought I told you to go?” She mumbled 

“I couldn’t… you need me”

Bernie nodded a little “I...I’m sorry” she replied while slowly reaching for Serena's hand as she knew that Serena was right, that she did need her.

Serena smiled taking her hand again “I know”

“No...you don’t….. I hurt you… but I wasn’t meant to…”

Serena just stroked her hand “we’ll talk when your feeling more better okay?”

Bernie nodded again and held her hand tight letting her know that she was scared 

“Hey,I’m here, there’s nothing to be scared of, I promise you, I promise that I’m right here next to you”

“I’m scared that you’ll leave me once I tell you everything..”

“Bern… I think I would of walked on us when I found out what you did five months ago.. but I didn’t I stayed…” Serena paused “I stayed because I still love you”

Bernie looked at her a little “you shouldn’t I hurt you…”

“Love is stronger than hate Bernie .. plus it’s my fault to I shouldn’t of gone…”

“You had to go and get yourself better, I understood that…”

“But I should of asked you to come with me… you needed a break from this place to…”

Bernie nodded while she watched her partner “that night with Abigail it wasn’t meant to happen, you shouldn’t be mad at her , you should just be mad at me … I made the move first… im...I’m sorry”

“I should be mad but I can’t because you in here as a patient, I don’t want you to feel anymore worse then you already do..”

Bernie nodded “I really didn’t mean to hurt you… she was just trying to comfort me then one thing led to another and before I knew it I took it to far but I liked it Ree.. I know I shouldn’t but it felt good”

Serena nodded a little “was she better than me?”

Bernie refused to answer her partner 

“Bernie please I need to know…”

“I’m not sure”

“What do you mean that you don’t know?”

“I love it when we do it and I loved it when I did it with her…”

The brunette nodded again.

About two weeks later Bernie was now out of hospital, Bernie thought that Serena wanted her to sleep in the spare room so she had moved a few of her things into the spare room. 

Serena sighed watching her move into the spare room before speaking “Whatcha doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m moving into the spare room as I know you hate me know that I’m out of hospital”

“That’s not true”

“Yes it is… you don’t hold me like you used to”

“I’ve just been busy with work, with covering your shifts… someone has to do it”

“I feel like that isn’t true and you don’t want me anymore, I said I was sorry…”

“I know you did… and I do love you…”

“Really?”

“Of course”

The blonde nodded and sat on the spare bed and looked at her wrist that had now held but left a scar, Serena came over and sat next to her 

“You feel ashamed about the scar don’t you?”

The blonde nodded while tears formed and gave a little nod 

“Hey Don’t cry” the brunette spoke putting her arm around her getting pulling her into a hug “it’s okay I forgive you okay?”

The blonde cried into her wife and grabbed onto her shirt, Serena rocked her slowly while rubbing her back softly 

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m still here, I’m not gonna leave you I promise, I forgive you ” 

“But you will Because you’ll get bored of me..” the blonde friend into Serena more

“Hey Bernie, I’m here to stay, I married you because I loved you and I still love you, so no I’m not gonna get bored of you”

“But” the blonde sniffed

“No buts Bern , your the one I want”

The blonde nodded slowly as she began to calm herself before looking at serena who wiped away the tears again, The blonde let out a little yawn as she had tired herself out.

Serena smiled softly watching her “why don’t you come back into our bed ?”

Bernie looked at her “d...do you want me to?”

“Hey of course I do it’s your bed to” the brunette stroked her cheek and brushed the blondes hair out her face with her hands before she kissed her forehead and took her into to the bedroom.

The brunette gently put the blonde down on the bed and laid next to her, the blonde moved a little closer to her hand rested her head on her chest , Serena smiled softly and put her arm around her stroking her hair again 

It took a little while for Bernie to fall asleep, Serena watched and smiled kissing the top of her head letting the blonde sleep for however long she wanted to

The blonde slept throughout the night until the next day, this was the first proper night's sleep that Bernie had gotten in a long time. Serena was also asleep with both her arms the blonde.

Serena soon woke and looked down at the blonde seeing her sound asleep , she tucked some of the blondes hair behind her ear so that she could stroke her cheek more softly , the blonde gave out a little moan but never woke up just yet, as it was her first day back at work after spending a few months in hospital 

“Bab..Bernie… it’s almost 11:30am…”

“Another five more minutes please?”

“Bern we was meant to be at work an hour ago”

“Just five more minutes… please”

Serena nodded and let the blonde stay asleep, in that moment she realised how tired she was and decided to phone in to say that neither of the could make it in.a


End file.
